NORAD Detects New Invasion from the North
NORAD, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, has concerning news. An unidentified vehicle operated by what appears to be 12 mammals has been spotted flying south. Intelligence suggests the bright red vehicle originates from disputed Russian arctic territory—namely, the North Pole. In what should be a silent night, this is quite the alert from NORAD. You may hear its characteristic bells jingling as it approaches, but fear not, the individual associated with this vehicle appears to be an older, plump gentleman with a special affinity for gingerbread cookies and a tall glass of milk. For those worried about this man entering their home and leaving gifts and/or fuel sources such as coal, rest assured NORAD is tracking the situation carefully. As far as signals intelligence can surmise, he goes by several names, the most popular being Santa Claus, and seems to delight in the company of human-like creatures characterized by their short stature and strangely pointy ears. Stay updated and stay alert—yule be glad you did!