NORAD: 65 Years Preparing for Santa

NORAD, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, has recently released the Official NORAD Santa Tracker focused on monitoring the whereabouts of a single repeat airspace violator. This culprit ignores airspace regulations and consistently invades homes on a global scale. Data collected over the years has identified the transgressor as a man named Santa Claus, although there are conflicting sources stating his real identity could be any of the following: St. Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, or the shortened, Santa. Officials are particularly concerned with this figure, not only due to his unregistered aircraft, but also due to a rather threatening message the known violator released around 1934. This ‘threat’ plays every year around the same time and states:

You better watch out;

You better not cry;

You better not pout;

I’m telling you why;

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Also concerning to authorities is Santa’s range of intelligence gathering, which reports indicate allow him to “see you when you’re sleeping,” “know when you’re awake,” and “know if you’ve been bad or good.” However, supporters of Santa have argued that his overall message is to “be good for goodness sake,” and as such, he poses no real threat. He is also known to leave behind pristinely wrapped, highly desirably gifts in exchange for sweet treats and dairy.

While his motives remain unclear, even after 65 years of data collection and monitoring, it would seem he consistently spreads ‘joy’ and ‘merriment’ world wide. Many have stated that though his methods break several laws in every country, they feel his actions do more good than harm and he should pardoned of all injunctions. It is unclear how the current pandemic will affect these sentiments, although new information has confirmed that the North Pole native is immune to the coronavirus and poses no threat in terms of disease transmission and spread. That being said, NORAD will continue to track this mysterious home invader while upholding their mission of “aerospace warning, aerospace control and maritime warning for North America.”

More details about NORAD’s 2020 Santa Tracker are available on the NORAD Tracks Santa YouTube Channel.